Recovery
by INMH
Summary: Castiel, Balthazar and Rachel end up alone together for a little while in the wake of an attack from Raphael. Tensions run high. More brother-sister shenanigans.


Recovery

Rating: PG-13/T

Genre: Humor

Summary: Castiel, Balthazar and Rachel end up alone together for a little while in the wake of an attack from Raphael. Tensions run high. More brother-sister shenanigans.

Author's Note: I wanted HUMOR to offset the devastation that the season finale caused me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural. It belongs to Eric Kripke.

()()()()

It had been some four years since Castiel, Balthazar and Rachel had been alone, just the three of them for company.

It could be going better.

Castiel was stressed. As usual. That happened when you were the commander of an army and still making time to help the Winchesters.

Balthazar was irritable. As usual when not neck-deep in debauchery and having to deal with his two younger siblings.

Rachel was also irritable. With Balthazar. Because she still didn't quite forgive him for stealing weapons from heaven and faking his death.

It might also help to mention that all three of these angels had gotten the complete and utter _crap_ kicked out of them by Raphael himself, who'd managed to find them when they'd been scouting around on earth. Long story short, they currently found themselves holed up in a cave in the Colorado Rockies, hoping and praying that Raphael had lost their scent.

Castiel, as it so happened, was the least injured of the three, and was currently peering out the cave's entrance for any sign of life around them that might be a threat. In spite of the gray clouds drifting lazily overheard and the impending threat of rain, it was actually quite peaceful. Birds were chirping, squirrels were scuttling about, and-

"_Ow!_"

Castiel shut his eyes and almost- almost- groaned.

Not again.

"What?"

"You kicked me."

Rachel rolled her eyes heavenwards and let her head fall back against the wall behind her. She shifted her right arm, which was currently cradling her left arm, on which the elbow had been shattered. "I did not _kick_ you. I moved my leg."

"And it hit _my_ leg, the one that Raphael snapped like a bloody twig!"

"Suck it up." Rachel snapped scornfully. "You're just angry because you actually got your hands dirty for once."

"You know what, sis? You need to get laid. _Badly_. Why don't I lend you a couple bucks, and then you can go hit the red light district in-**_ OW!_**"

"_That_ _time_ I kicked you." Rachel hissed. Balthazar then, in retaliation, gave her a hard shove, which not only jostled her bad elbow, but also the stab wound in her ribs, and she let out a half-growl, half-gasp of pain.

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose. "Balthazar, Rachel-"

Rachel brought her right hand up lightning fast and whacked Balthazar on the back of the head, a loud cracking noise echoing through the cavern, as well as Balthazar's shout of pain.

This would probably be more amusing if Castiel didn't have a splitting headache.

"_Stop_," He begged, pressing the heel of his palm to his temple in an effort to relieve the pounding in his skull. He could still feel a slight imprint from where Raphael had punched him. He might have the angel equivalent of a concussion. "Please. This situation is unfavorable enough without you two bickering like children."

Rachel had the decency to look embarrassed. Balthazar, in a word, did not.

"Head still ringing from where Raphy socked you, Cas?" Maybe it was the headache, but Castiel couldn't tell is Balthazar was being serious or trying to mock him in some way. Not that it was easy to tell under normal circumstances anyway.

"It's actually more of a dull pounding. Like a drum."

"It's a figure of speech, Cas."

"…That did not apply to me. Some _do_ purportedly hear an actual ringing, but I do not."

"Can you just, for once, accept a metaphor when you hear it and not overanalyze the damn thing to death-?"

Rachel suddenly let out a yelp, and something went flying across the darkened cave. Her brothers were immediately alert.

"What was that?" Rachel's face was contorted in disgust.

"A tarantula. A really, really big one." She shivered, and Balthazar rolled his eyes.

"Ooh, big bad Rachel's scared of Charlotte?"

He sighed when both Castiel and Rachel gave him twin looks of confusion at the reference they clearly didn't get, and he started to wish that he'd left heaven with Gabriel all those years back so that he'd have had, at least for a while, another angel who _actually_ got the culture references he threw out.

All the same, though, maybe it was for the best. If they _did_ get the reference, he'd probably end up having to explain how he knew the title character from a popular children's book. Maybe he should have gone with 'Shelob'.

Castiel noticed something moving in the area of Balthazar's shoulder, got a closer look, and then leaned back a bit. "You're not alarmed by large spiders, Balthazar?" The blonde snorted.

"No."

"Then I'm sure you won't mind that one is currently on your shoulder."

Balthazar jerked, let out a loud, barking sort of cry in alarm, and immediately knocked the offending creature- and Rachel was right, they were _quite_ large- even farther than his sister had a moment earlier.

Rachel gave a raw sort of snicker that was highly uncharacteristic of her, and Castiel wondered if maybe she had taken a hit to the head as well. And if she hadn't, then he would have to re-think including her in on any and all future endeavors involving Balthazar. Clearly they would have trouble working together.

"How long do we have to stay here?" Balthazar snapped, twisting and turning and shaking his jacket vigorously to make sure there weren't any more spiders crawling on him.

"Just until we can be certain that Raphael has lost track of us."

"Goody."

Judging from the way Rachel's mouth flew open and then quickly snapped shut, she had been about to snap something along the lines of "Shut up" or "You'll live", but apparently remembered that the brother she _wasn't_ angry with (i.e. Castiel) was in the midst of a vengeful headache and didn't want to make it worse.

"So what are we supposed to do in the meantime?"

"Recuperate." Castiel shut his eyes and pressed his throbbing head against the cool cave wall. He wouldn't mind a little rain now if it brought down the temperature a bit.

"I mean something that wasn't a natural bodily function that we have little to no control over."

"Reflect on the Lord." Rachel muttered, flinching as she tried to settle her injured arm back into a position that disturbed it the least.

"I don't know if you got the memo, sweetheart, but daddy skipped out on us all to go on sabbatical; so thank you, but I'll pass on reflecting on God and all of His child-ditching glory."

This time Castiel sensed rather than saw Rachel's momentary debate on whether or not to shut up or give Balthazar a piece of her mind. In the end, she did something that both satisfied her temper and didn't add to the pounding in Castiel's skull: Gingerly picking up another spider that had been crawling nearby and placing it on Balthazar's lap.

As Balthazar was too manly to scream, he only knocked the over-sized arachnid away with a strangled noise and gave Rachel an ugly look before slouching against the wall and falling silent.

()()()()

Castiel knew his head-injury had to be fairly significant when he suddenly came to awareness some hours later with the rain pouring and thunder booming outside. It was not, however, the sound of nature's fury that had awoken him.

Balthazar had started up again.

…

…

…

"_What?_"

"Nothing."

"Not _nothing,_ you're doing _something_."

"I'm not doing anything."

"You're poking me!"

"I am not _poking_ you."

"Yes you are!"

"I am _not_. I am moving my finger very close to your arm, but I'm not touching you at all."

Castiel dimly thought that the phrase "I'm not touching you" sounded familiar, and for whatever reason he associated that sentence with the words 'absurdity', 'stupidity' and 'frustrating'.

Where had he-?  
>The image jumped to the forefront of his mind unbidden, a hazy memory of sitting in the back of the Impala whilst he, Dean and Sam were stuck in a particularly lengthy stream of traffic.<p>

_"I'm not touching you-"_

_"Dean, **knock it off**." _

_"I'm not touching yooooou…"_

_"I'm gonna kick your ass, man!"_

_"Not- Touching-"_

And the pair had, indeed, gotten into a mighty tussle that Castiel had had to physically intervene and pull them apart from.

"_Stop touching me, Balthazar!_"

"But I'm _not!_"

Castiel moaned softly and covered his eyes. If only Dean and Sam could see, really _see_ how his brothers and sisters acted when left to their own devices. It would change their otherwise wary attitudes in regards to angels in a heartbeat.

"Balthazar," Rachel began testily. "If you don't _cease_ your actions _immediately,_ I will make your broken leg look like a _mere flesh wound._"

Castiel quietly prayed that Balthazar would stop.

God must have had some particular ire towards Castiel at that moment, because he just would not honor this one, simple request.

The sound of Rachel's hand whistling through the air and clipping Balthazar's head was apparent, as well as the sound of Balthazar jumping across the cave with a beat of his wings and landing on the other side. He yelped when his leg was disturbed, but then cackled. "Missed!"

Rachel growled and stood up, and it seemed to Castiel that it was only then that Balthazar remembered that it was _he_ with the injured leg, not her, and that she could easily chase after him if she wanted to.

Castiel, fortunately, thought quickly.

"Rachel," He called, "If you injure Balthazar, our stay here may be prolonged."

That brought her to a standstill. If she hurt Balthazar and they had to rest longer as a result, that would only give him more time to work on her nerves. After only a moment's contemplation, she let out a huffing breath and sat down next to Balthazar again.

Maybe it was his head injury at work, but Castiel was perplexed.

_Why_ was Rachel sitting next to Balthazar again? He was only going to start up again when he descended into boredom again _or_ forgot just how easily Rachel could hurt him (he was good at that). In ten minutes, he was either going to re-start the "I'm not touching you" game or devise some new way to get under their sister's skin.

The banging in Castiel's skull prevented him from coming up with an adequate solution for about fifteen minutes, and it managed to hit him just as Balthazar was starting up again.

"So, Rachel, did it hurt when you got that stick wedged up your-?"

Castiel didn't speak, didn't give warning. He just stood up, crossed over the space to them, nudged Rachel over a bit and settled down between them.

"If you are going to fight each other," Castiel said flatly, "You'll go through me first." They wouldn't. Rachel and Balthazar were content to fight their own fights without dragging their neutral brother into it.

"Spoil-sport." Balthazar mumbled.

()()()()

Another time shift that had to have ended some hours later found the storm still raging and, to his surprise, his siblings muttering quietly between themselves in what seemed to be an amiable manner.

"…Really think we should get ready to head back, we might have to have Seleniel get a look at him. I think the hit may have been harder than we thought-"

"Of course it was. It was _Raphael_ that raised his pimp-hand to him, after all, not some wimpy little bitch like Lofiel-"

To the- frankly- shock of both of her brothers, Rachel actually let out a choked laugh at that. By an odd and unforeseeable chance, Rachel had actually gotten a look at a stereotypical example of a modern-day pimp, the likes of which dressed quite differently from the pimps of the ancient world- and had been openly amused.

This had led to a small incident involving said pimp, a couple of guards, a strip pole dislodged from the stage of a club and a visit from the local authorities. Castiel and Rachel absolutely refused to relate the story to anyone, and Balthazar was working on making one or both of them crack in the near future.

"Did you _actually_ just giggle at something that was _actually_ funny?"

Rachel looked mildly affronted. "I _do_ have a sense of humor, Balthazar."

"Not much of one."

"Don't start," Castiel rasped, surprising them both (they hadn't been aware that he was awake). "Please don't start." He must have sounded pretty pitiful, because even Balthazar backed down. Castiel climbed to his feet and wobbled dangerously, only to suddenly find Rachel right next to him and bracing him with her good arm. "Have your wounds healed sufficiently?"

Balthazar sighed, cringing as he too got to his feet. His teeth were grit tightly as he settled as little weight as possible on his injured leg. "More- Or- Less." He managed. "I can- _move_, I think."

"The stab wound has healed well enough, and my arm should not hinder my ability to travel." Rachel affirmed, straight-backed as though she were giving him a report of the state of the troops rather than her personal well-being. Behind her back, Castiel saw Balthazar roll his eyes and spit his tongue out at her.

Rachel's eyes narrowed sharply. "_I saw that._"

As the pair started to bicker and they all prepared to take off, Castiel swore, swore vehemently to himself, that he would never leave them alone together again. Never. Not ever.

And if he did, he would make sure Dean and Sam were the ones stuck with them.

-End

()()()()

Ah. Humor.

Makes meh happeh.

On that note, my mom lived in Colorado for a while, and she told me much of these large spiders that happen to frequent the mountains. Were I not arachnophobic, I would have described them in more detail. The problem with googling "Rocky Mountain Spiders" is that they usually give you some kind of picture along with your search as well, and that would probably be the end of me.


End file.
